Easter

I woke up at the call to prayer this morning and walked over to my church to catch a bus to Mt. Nebo for an Easter sunrise service. As we were making our way up to the mountain, I sleepily looked out the window. It was beautiful in the pre-sun light. The clouds rolled in and I saw lighting in the distance. A smile burst on to my face at the sight. We don't normally get thunderstorms around here- and we haven't had much rain....and it is supposed to rain in April. But all of this changed this Easter and it rained just long enough to clear out the sand and dust that have been in the air for the last few weeks. We had a great service (in doors) and celebrated the resurrection and the hope of Christ's return. Then, after the service I went for a walk to take in the view. It was pretty amazing. There I stood (and it was almost clear) and I could see over the Jordan river - and bits of the sea of Galilee- into Palestine. I stood where Moses once stood, looking into the promise. I was so excited as I thought about Moses' journey and all that entailed and how he spent his last days on this mountain looking at the promise. I thought about how great it was to stand on this mountain of promise on Easter and remember the promise of Christ's return.
I came home, rested and ate sugar! Dr. Pepper tastes so good after no sugar for 40 days :)
Then, I went to a friends house to celebrate with friends. It was a great time hanging out in the fantastic weather chatting and laughing. I had some great conversations and was able to reflect on the hope that we have in the resurrection and Jesus' return- may it come soon!
Then, went to another party for more celebration and then went over to Affreak's to watch a movie...something else I haven't done in 40 days.
I think that this time of lent has been really good as I counted down the days and prepared for Easter. As I read the story of the passion week this week, celebrated good friday and then came to Sun- the day of the resurrection- I was so excited and ready to celebrate that I was disappointed that Jesus didn't come back to join me in my partying! May He come soon!

Good Friday

It is Good Friday here in Jordan. We celebrate the Eastern Orthodox Easter so we are just now finishing our 40 days of lent and counting down the days to the celebration of the resurrection.
I have been mulling the idea of this day around in my head for a while- all that happened on this day, all the pain and hurt that our Saviour endured...all the hope that was purchased on the Cross. I have been thinking today about the hope of the resurrection....how as I wait for the return of Christ I am waiting for the completion of redemption- when creation will be redeemed, when Death will be defeated, when Love will reign and all will be on earth as it is in Heaven.
I don't know if this year Good Friday has a new sting because this year I have experienced the pain of death (with Rob and Grandma) or if I am just growing up and seeing more of the effects of sin in the world (and in me, unfortunately) but I am aching today for His return....
It is weird because embedded in that ache is a joy unspeakable and a breath-taking pain...it is the reality of my sin and need for His return to allow me to worship Him without sin. It is the hope that one day I will see Him who bought my redemption with His blood.
It is in this emotionally mixed ache that I wait today...focusing on His return- may it come now!

twirlie dresses

Last night I had the rare chance of sneaking off and sitting at a coffee shop (yes, it was starbucks, but I didn't drink coffee! And we just got a Caribou Coffee- can you believe it??? So, I won't have to be a starbucksy for long!) Anyway, I was sitting at the coffee shop and not studying Arabic- that is what made it rare. I was sitting there devouring Les Miserables (the unabridged 1200 page version, to keep my english up!) And I was watching all these people walking by enjoying the great weather. There was this group of men sitting and chatting and this little girl kept calling out to her father (one of the men) "watch me!" She was really cute, dressed in this red twirlie dress. She just kept spinning and spinning- until she would almost fall over and then start again. She kept doing this; totally immersed in her beauty as her father glanced at her spinning her pretty dress.
It just hit- this picture of freedom, beauty and love. I remember spinning my twirlie dresses (I know, this might be hard for some of you to picture) As I looked at that girl I realized that all was right in her little world because she was beautiful and her father was watching. Sometimes I forget the joy of being watched by our Father- how he sees us swimming and twirling in His grace and how beautiful it is that He is watching us, giving us good things and rejoices in the redemption He is working in the midst of our madness. I thought of my spinning life- decisions, language, travel, moving houses over and over, culture exploding at weird intervals that catch me off guard and make me "work" at being here, friends, plans, fears- all spinning and I don't think of any of it as beautiful! But seeing that girl revel in her father's glance...I thought of how beautiful life is when I am spinning around in grace!

Pride comes before a REALLY bad Arabic Lesson

It seems that everyone knows the proverb "Pride comes before the fall" but the lesser known "Pride comes before the REALLY bad Arabic lesson" is getting more traction these days in my life. As some of you know, I am tutoring my Arabic studies now and I am doing most of them with Affreak (He is Canadian but grew up in Africa - hence the name- A for the canadians that are always saying it -studying Arabic now, ay? - and the Arabic word for Africa is Afreek). He is a great tutoring partner and I am having fun studying with him. Last week, he was going to be out of town and I was going camping so we had to re-arrange our tutoring and I did most of it just me. He had already done the lessons (so that he wouldn't fall behind) so the pace was set and I just had to keep up. Both lessons I finished "faster" and I started thinking I was something. Then my tutor told me that she only knows 3 people currently studying Arabic that are better than me (and Affreak of course) and that includes those who have been studying for 4 semesters! So then I really thought I was something! I went through the whole weekend thinking that I was doing great in Arabic.....only to walk into today's lesson and forget EVERYTHING!!! No really, when your tutor asks you if you feel ok, if you did your homework and then exclaims- Never, you have Never done this poorly! You know that it isn't a good lesson.
I was quickly reminded that I am not saved by how well I speak Arabic ad went on through the day....I just wonder why it takes me falling to remember that I am saved by grace!
Well, today I am just glad that I was reminded so quickly- even that is grace! And since I know I am going to fall, I am glad that I get to fall on Grace! Now, to learn to stand in it.......

lunch

I started teaching English a few weeks ago at an English center down in the Balad. I have a class of mostly men and only one girl. Last week, Lahali (that is, the girl in my class) asked if I wanted to come to her house. Of course, I said yes and we made plans for me to go on Friday. I woke up with major allergy issues this morning and really didn't want to go- but she called and confirmed that I was coming so I knew there was no chance that she was going to forget the plans!
So, I took off to meet her for an afternoon of food, Arabic and fun! I got to her house (after being invited to her wedding- which hopefully will happen before I leave for the States) and was met by her mom and sisters. It was great to be able to fall into conversation immediately. This was the first time that I was in an Arab home when I felt like I could actually communicate, tell stories and laugh along with them. It was fantastic. Then we went out to the table to enjoy our lunch under there grape vines. They showed me the coming grapes (so small I could barely see them) and then the food started coming, and coming an coming. They made enough food to feed an army. A HUGE plate of taboulieh, grape leaves and then "Oozie" (it is this rice, carrots, peas and browned bits of lamb base with baked chicken on the top- really YUMMY!). They made me 4 huge plates of food and the proceeded to tell me "eat!" If you have never been to an Arabic household you have never experienced the commands of "eat" over and over and over. Eating a lot is a sign that the food is good, eating is also a sign that you are accepting the hospitality. They serve a ton of food because they want you to be able to have your fill. If you are pecking at the food it is like saying that you are worried about their supplies and want to make sure you leave enough for everyone else. This is not a good thing!
So, I sat there with my mouth full and listened to them tell me "eat!" or "you haven't eaten anything!" or my personal favorite, looking at my over half eaten chicken and saying, "you didn't have ANY chicken!" I enjoyed a fantabulous meal and then we moved into the lounge to continue the chatting and have tea (or what I would describe as sugar with some tea to make it float!) They wanted to know about my family so I got out the family picture and showed off! It made me really miss being at home (just a few more weeks!)! They asked all bout them (what they do, how old are they, where they lived) and I was able to chat about the family that has lived in this part of the world, Dad's work and everything else that they asked about!
It was a great day! I was so encouraged that my Arabic had come this far in such a short time! (Not that I am fluent or anything like it- but I am able to chat and it feels good!) I was also happy to be in another Arabic household, this time as a member of the events not an observer of them. It is kind of funny, because one of the reasons that I was worried about going was that I wasn't sure I had enough energy to sit and try to understand them....but that wasn't an issue at all as I was involved in all the conversations! Fun times!

Karaoke

On Thursdays here in Amman, we have Karaoke at a local restaurant. It is a fun night of arabic music, dancing and fun! It is normally packed out- tables full of college aged boys, college aged girls- all dressed to kill. They then proceed to fight the feedback from the speakers as they sing. It is quite the adventure! We sat there and sipped our drinks (I had a killer Lemonade and Mint! They have the best in town!) as we listened to the habibiis (the Arabic version of honey) blast over the sound system. I wanted to sing...but I couldn't decide on a song. It was a toss up between "Country Road" by John Denver and the all time classic "We are the World" :) I was waiting for someone to pick an English song (I didn't want to usurp the evening with my English song) and no one seemed interested in singing anything but "Habibii!" We sat and waited, laughed at the dancing and people trying to sing...it was fun!
It is always fun to have new things to do- and karaoke at Del Silva is a winner in Amman!

what's next?

As my time here begins to wind down and I am trying to decide what will come next, I have had many opportunities come across my path (and many more that I have hunted down) but in the last few weeks one has come by that I can't seem to shake!
I knew that when I came to Jordan that I was coming here to learn Arabic- not exactly to live forever. I also knew that I was learning Arabic so that I could work with Refugees or in Reconciliation- or both. I wasn't sure how this was going to work or where this might be...but I knew that it was something that I couldn't shake and it would work out somehow.
About a month ago, I inquired about a program that I found out about while studying in Dallas. It was my last semester and I was looking for a Prof. to read my Senior Paper. I thought that I would use the "easiest" but at the last minute, I decided to go with the one that I thought would help me understand my topic. I landed on Dr. Pyne and it was a great choice! He was involved in reading a dissertation on peace and forgiveness. We chatted a lot about peace, forgiveness and ways to make it a reality in the lives of people that have endured atrocities. Dr. Pyne left DTS to be involved in an organization that was doing everything that we had been talking about all semester. He joined "ALARM" (African Leadership and Reconciliation Ministries) which is led by C. Musekura. Born in Rwanda, Celestin understands the need for forgiveness in the midst of atrocities. They are working in many African countries, including Sudan.
Last month, I inquired to see if they have any internship/training opportunities in Sudan. To my surprise, Dr. Pyne replied and asked for more information. I sent it and then the next thing I knew he was asking if I would move to Khartoum! I then got another email from Celestin and he asked more questions. After I answered them, he asked me to start praying about moving to Khartoum for a while and be trained in their reconciliation methods.
I am thrilled at this opportunity. It is something that I have been interested in for a long time but was not sure how I was going to be able to do it. Now, there is the opportunity for me to live in an Arabic country and learn how to be involved in reconciliation in the midst of a war torn country. I know that although this seems like a great opportunity, it is going to be very hard. Sudan is not exactly a fun place to live (it is extremely hot, it has been war-torn for many years and now the genocide continues in the south. The people that I will be teaching will not think that forgiveness means say "I am sorry" but rather it means forgive the people that chopped up your sons in front of your eyes! And on top of all of this, there aren't many creature comforts - no fast food, no coffee shops, etc.)
I am not sure when or how this will take place, but I am certainly praying that as I finish up my Arabic in the next year that I will have the details all worked out!
oh- if you want to read more- check out http://alarm-inc.org/

next year

I dropped by the school I want to go to next year- and I LOVED IT!!! It was a great facility, the people are super nice and there were a great group of eclectic people there- locals, foreigners- it wasn't all white people :) I am going to love studying there!
Also, I am working on an internship in Sudan after I finish studying. I would be able to work with a group that is doing reconciliation work there and it would be a chance of a lifetime! They seem pretty excited because I have a ThM and I can speak Arabic (or so I think). It will be a great opportunity and I hope all the details get worked out so that I can go! I have no idea when or how long- but we are working on it!
Exciting stuff!
I am still moving around at the mercy of my friends- but that too might change soon :0 so I have a lot going on - outside of Arabic, teaching and camping :)

Dana Reserve

there is this nature reserve in Jordan. It contains four separate ecosystems (high desert, low desert, spring fed green mountains and the "river" bed that runs between these) It is full of rocky, craggy mountains and is beautiful! One of my good friends here (a canadian!) Offered to take me and I jumped at the opportunity to spend 2 days outside! We arrived to this breathtaking view of rocks, trees, flowers- it was amazing. There was a group from France there the first night so we had quite the adventure as we chatted in Arabic and my friend in french- at one point we were sitting around the camp fire drinking tea and one of the guides came up and started chatting with us. She was from Lebanon and we were speaking in Arabic. She then turned and spoke in french and told some of the french group that we were learning arabic. She explained that we made some mistakes but that it was really "cute" and that she was really impressed! It was fun to get the translation from C that night :) It made us feel like we were gaining in Arabic!
It was a great weekend and I will post pictures soon- - I hope :)

taxis and politics

It is kind of fun getting into a taxi and asking who they think should be next American president. Most of them quickly state that although they love Americans, they hate our government (some more vehemently than others) We talk a bit and then they tell me that "wife Clinton" should be the next president. I then point out that Obama"s father was muslim, don't you think he would make a good president? "He is BLACK!" is almost always the response. (yes, racism is rampant here)
But yesterday, I had a very well read taxi driver that laid out the candidates and their platforms. He knew American politics really well. We started talking and I was quizzing him on what he thought was the answer to all of this mess in the region. He then started talking about Israel and their government...and then there was this phrase "they are not human." I knew this was coming, but never has it been said in such clear terms. I ached because I know that when one side of an argument thinks that the "enemy" is not human, they no longer "need" to treat them humanely. They can rationalize all of their "in-humane" treatment and do as they please (after all, if you treat a dog like a dog- no harm! but to treat a man like a dog, that is a crime. so, if you can convince yourself that they enemy is not human, you no longer have to attempt at humane treatment.)
But as I sat in the back of the car, aching because of the overwhelming problems facing this region, I was still thinking that maybe I have something to offer the reconciliation effort. It seems to come to my attention over and over and over again: the need for reconciliation and forgiveness. And although there are many expats here, many people seeking to make this country better- very few of them are interested in reconciliation.
So, in the midst of the Arabic frustration (150 vocab words THIS WEEK!!!) and the culture stress (being ripped off by taxi drivers is NO FUN!) and other stresses (moving houses, sorting out my luggage, time management issues) it was nice to be reminded of the end goal- a nice reminder of why I am torturing myself with this language stuff :)

random ramblings

I don't really know what to write. I have had a pretty busy last couple of days. Yesterday I left the house at 8 and returned at 6 and had to study for another test...so I was busy until 10ish. Tuesday was even worse- left the house at 8am and then got back at 11:30pm. But I was able to hang out with some friends at a party - so it wasn't all work :)
It was crazy as I sat there (at the party) listening to the rowdy conversation, seeing Americans and Iraqis hanging out and having fun- and then I thought about the fact that all but 4 of those people will be gone in 2 months and they are not going to be returning to Amman. It is kind of weird to think of coming back and them not being here. Some of them have become lifelong friends in the last few months. I know that I will have more friends, and different friends next year - wherever I end up. But it is just weird to have the tides of change wash everything so clean so fast.
But in this time of change, we are trying to pack in great conversations and fun times as much as we can. It is like we all know this has a shelf life of 2 months and we are trying to wring out every last drop.
I had a great conversation with FTP about confession and leading by apology (yeah, I know that sounds weird, but we were talking about what it would look like if our "leaders" in the world didn't just say they weren't perfect but actually proved it by apologizing when they wronged us. What a difference that would make in our ides of "power" and "leadership." And then of course, that turned into a conversation about confession and how it is the fuel for my spiritual life. - it was a good conversation!)
And yesterday as I crammed for tests and walked around to tutoring and school - I was just reminded of how I too often crawl back into the darkness because I am afraid of what the light will show (and what I will have to change)...but I am beginning to see that life in the light just allows me to see grace more clearly!
Thanks for all of you who have been commenting on the blog. It means a lot to know that my random ramblings are being read (and that you guys care enough about me to care about what is going on in my life!) thanks!