almost snowed in

I got out today....walked down to my tutor's house for a day of class. I was glad to get out- but it was nasty. Most of the streets had been cleared- but Amman is not made for snow. They "plowed" the roads, but this completely blocked all the storm drains in the streets. So, they basically made a channel for all the melted snow to puddle in. At times, I was walking in ankle deep ice cold water, at other times, knee deep snow. It was definitely an adventure!
i got to class, but I wasn't in the mood to really apply myself. :) but I had a good class, chatted about my family in topical discussion and then played in the snow with the family. I then met FTP and went to Safeway- which was apparently the only grocery store open in the city because it was really crowded.
Then we came home, I washed clothes and made supper and then I "had" to watch an Arabic Film for class. (I think it was supposed to be funny...but I was just struggling to understand it!)
I have been having fun because FTP has been staying with us - super long story- but she has been snowed in with us....which has made it fun. We have had dinner together for the last 3 nights, and because of the snow, we really don't have any pressing commitments anywhere in the city...so we can just hang out. This has been great. We have had some fun conversations and we have been able to get to know each other better.
i think that I have been forced to slow down (I really wish my pictures would post so you could see how much snow we had! I took pictures again today...eventually the internet will be back up to "speed" - aka everyone will be back at work and busy and it will speed up again. and then, I will be able to post them...so stay tuned!) But the snow has made me slow down. At first it was awful, but now it is growing on me. I am sure I will miss it when it is gone.
I am enjoying the brisk air, the FREEZING feet (how did I get here without any waterproof shoes?) and the change in the city as we all walk everywhere :)

snow pictures preview

snow- again- this time for real

Yes, I am sitting here in my warm house staring at the downpour that has continued for the last 17 hours....snow. At 10 this morning we probably had inches- no telling how much we have now. I went out (in my crocs covered with plastic bags, rain coat and gloves) to play with the neighbors. I helped shovel their drive way in a vain attempt to drive a car. We got about half way and realized that we would have to shovel the whole road! I then helped the kids make a snow man. They were just piling snow- I showed them how to roll balls and stack them. Once we had a second layer they were quickly running to get a carrot, sticks and olive leaves for the mouth. I took my scarf off and placed it around his scrawny neck (we were too cold to attempt a big snow man).
I then watched the kids throw snowballs and helped the "grown-ups" in their endeavors to clean off the steps and walk way. Eventually, we were all too cold and needed to get warm. My neighbors invited me (and Roomie who had wandered outside to take pictures) to come in and have coffee.
I was still in my "lounging" clothes (not thinking, I went out in my sweatshirt and fleece pants...I mean, I had water-proof pants and a rain jacket on top!!) so, I was not to keen to go in right away. I told her I was wearing my house clothes under my jacket and she said "My house is your house- no problem!" Gotta love Jordanian hospitality!
So, we went in for a cup of Nescafe and some cookies. It was a great time of arabic practice and we got to finally meet our neighbors! I have been trying to chat with them for the last few months....but I haven't been able to even get a "hello" from the kids. Now I was in their house telling them about my family and laughing with them about my arabic!
it was a great afternoon....now the boredom of being snowed in without a tv (the snow has blown out our reception) has set in. I have nothing left to do but homework :) and of course I am doing everything to avoid that!
i am trying to post some pictures - so check out the pics link on the left to get a glimpse of the "blizzard of 2008" :)

out-running the curse

I have been trying to figure out why it is that I long for change so often. I think that most people want to "settle in;" they want to find a place and make it theirs, they want to leave their mark on a city, a suburb or neighborhood. I want to make my mark on a neighborhood....but I don't have any desire to "settle in." it seems that when I get to know a place I want to leave. I get this feeling that I need to move on, that things will be better in the next place...that I will have all that I am lacking here if I can just find that place. I will have friends that understand grace, I will have a job that I love waking up for and I will have a place where I can impact the world. But it always seems that when I get into a new place, one that I thought was going to bring some- if not all -of the above hopes and dreams, I quickly find that it is simply a place on this fallen earth (and that I too am far from perfect and still have my struggles and disappointments)
I find myself in that place once again. I have been on this roller coaster for years now (or so it feels). I have been living and moaning in one place and looking forward to the next. But now, I look back and think "Dallas wasn't so bad!" (but when I lived there- I HATED it!) and now I am looking to what is next after Amman and I think, "will I look back and say the same about Amman?"
I don't exactly know how to "cure" this ailment. I think that I am just trying to find a place that is "perfect" and unfortunately that will only happen on the new earth.
I began thinking about this because of a book I was reading. It talked about "incarnational ministry" and how one of the "pre-requisites" for this type of ministry is picking a place to incarnate. J wasn't both a 1st century man and a 20th century woman. He chose a time and place and people to live among and by doing that He chose not to live in other times and places and peoples. I have no idea if that was hard for Him - He knew that the "fullness of time" had come, so maybe it was an easy decision. But I am not so sure that I know exactly where and when and with whom I am supposed to invest my life- and actually, the idea of spending my life in the same city is quite revolting.
I guess I have a lot more learning and changing to do if I am going to live like J in this area.
So in the mean time- I am trying to cultivate a life of gratitude- for life here in Amman, for life with my friends, for life in the Spirit- an attempt to make myself be here, be with this people and these friends- and to not complain about it :O

catching up

I have needed to blog for a while now....been falling down on the "every other day- at least" rule.
I have been studying a lot....reading the news about Gaza and Lebanon (comparing AlJazeera, BBC and CNN is tons of fun!) and hanging out with friends. Last night, I went down to my friends Jeff and Pam's house (they have 4 kids and live down the street from me) They have people over to their place every Thursday (our Saturday) for home-made pizza and a movie. It was fun- lots of new people there this week.
We went down to the Balad again, and had people over to our house for dinner (Roommate is a great cook) and other than that I have been studying (or avoiding studying)
I am reading some great books- Giving and Forgiving in a culture stripped of grace is one of them. It is fantastic has already been shaping my thinking about dealing with culture, loving my neighbors and living a life marked by grace. I have been thinking about Eph. 5:1-2 lately -Be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ also loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice.- I have been thinking about this verse because of this book (he talks a lot about it) but I have been thinking "what does imitating God look like? And how can I, a human, imitate God? And how is imitating God as a "dearly loved child" different?" And this has made the mantra "love others well" run through my head more often :)
I am also reading the Cairo Trilogy by Mahfouz- and the voice series and......I am really scattered tonight -

snow pics are up

lights out

So, it is snowing today and I walked to class (gotta get the exercise!) then some of my friends were at a coffee shop studying so I joined them. After a pretty mellow hour or so, we decided to walk down to the Balad for supper. We went to one of my favorite restaurants here in Amman- Jafra. We ate hummus with meat, taboulieh and had some much needed hot tea. After we finished eating, they told us that there was going to be "something to support Palestine." Since we had no idea what that was - and I am always open to an new adventure- we decided to stay. A man said something and everybody stood up and we had a moment of silence. Then the man said some more things (of which I understood "10 minutes," "america" and "palestine" Yes- I was having a great arabic day!!!) And then they turned the lights off- and I mean off. NO LIGHTS! Everyone got out there cell phones to give small pricks of light and someone started playing what I guess was the Palestinian national anthem.
As the darkness was all around me, thoughts started swimming through my head. Here we sat with a whole bunch of arab speaking people in complete darkness.
it was hard to deal with the many emotions- I wasn't expecting that at all. In the darkness, I saw the faces of people who have been taken advantage of by their leaders, people who have been ransacked and oppressed, people who have been ignored by most of the world. I heard clips from movies I have seen that showed the hopelessness and despair of the Palestinian people. I began to pray- I knew that there were just a few of us in that darkness that were able to petition our Father for peace. I began to ask Him to bring peace in the midst of this complex situation. I asked that He would send people to proclaim the kingdom of hope, peace and love. I asked that He would allow His children to see these fellow humans as precious, beautiful people who are much loved by God.
I know that we were sitting in the dark for a few minutes but people in Gaza and the West Bank regularly go without power, without water and are restricted in their ability to move around the country. But somehow, mixed in with all of these Jordanian and Palestinian people, it seemed like a grand gesture- 10 minutes in solidarity with "our people" in Palestine.
The lights came back on- and I saw all of the people glance towards us, wondering how these Americans were responding to this "protest." The Palestinian song was now over the loud speaker and people began to hum along, flashing peace signs at each other.
I hope that they saw a different "america" tonight, or at least a different "american"- one who can hope with them, and one who will sit in the dark with them and one who loves them and joins them in praying for peace.

SNOW

I woke up this morning to a blanket of white! What a blessing!!!! I have never seen snow in the Middle East - and I haven't seen this much snow (not mixed with ice....yet) since I left the East Coast!. It is great! I will go out and make a snow man....and then take pictures and post them soon- No homework today!!!!

Arabic

I guess tutoring is going well- I have finished the equivalent of 1 month (or more) at Kelsey, and I have only bee tutoring for 2 weeks! At this rate I will finish 3rd and 4th semesters of speaking and all of 2nd and 3rd semesters in Fuusha (classical Arabic, i.e. reading and writing)
So, I am studying a lot- but I am learning a lot!

Creativity

There is something about creativity that drives me to create. I just watched this fantastic movie called "once" about two singer-song writers in Ireland. It is basically a movie about creating- creating songs, love, life, hope, gifts. As I watched it, I just wanted to hit "pause" and go and take pictures, write a story or something- make something.
It is weird how creativity makes me want to create. I see something beautiful, something unique and it makes me want to go and make something that shows my mood, my hopes.
I think it is because creativity points to hope- it shows that there can be beauty here in this broken world, it shows that there is something important here, something worth time, energy and space.
I think it is great- it makes me want to paint, to sing, to write, to take the best photos- it makes me want to scream, "Yes, we have hope! We have a reason to create- a reason to be hopeful!"
And this is what I wrote:
The stairs leading down to the Balad are steep and many. If you look up from the uneven steps, you will see the huge Jordanian flag swaying in the cold breeze. Carefully we make our way down, avoiding the ice. It is a jostling journey, watching your steps all the way. We pass an old woman trying to make her way up these grueling steps with the help of her son and her grandson. With each step she screams “Ya Allah!” (Oh God) and her grandson laughs because it sounds very similar to “yellah” (hurry up) ironic considering her slow pace. We enter the street, inclining down to the city center with its slick pavement.
The mountains, stacked to their rim with houses, seem to stand at attention, guarding the Balad. The hills rise all around us, hills that have been inhabited since the days of King David and probably even before that. Above us towers the great citadel; we are walking on the very ground where Uriah the Hittite lost his life. In front of us, the great amphitheater built when Rome was the super power of the world. People have visited this valley for hundreds of years and today we are drawn to be a part of its story.
We begin to pass little stores packed with shower curtains, bath mats and towels. The traffic begins to increase as we descend. We get to the DVD section, store after store packed with illegal DVDs for sale. Music blares from the CD stores that are mixed in intermittently. People mill around, looking for various riches.
We continue to journey down through the labyrinth of stores, accosted by the items for sale. At every turn there are scarves, hats and gloves for sale. These are mixed with cell phones, perfume and gold rings. People are inviting us into their stores, allowing us to “look for free.” We stop occasionally, drawn in by some beautiful hand-made pashmina, a Jordanian headdress or a movie that we have wanted to see.
We take our time, the Balad is no place to rush. Every alley has to be examined, every kiosk enjoyed. The adventure of shopping becomes a reality down here; we are like pirates looking for our treasure.
We pass the restaurants that give new meaning to “hole in the wall.” We see the men crowed in the storefronts drinking tea or smoking sheesha. Everyone seems to be enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun. The energy is contagious, enlivening even the air that we breathe.
We have all that we came for, but we march on into its belly. Traffic is thick now and the horns are blowing loudly. People stand in the street awaiting empty taxis, buses creep by stuffed full of men, women and children.
Arabic banters around us as we crawl deeper into the lair. Culture seems to have a personality here; you can feel civilization brush by you. And yet, somehow I do not feel like a stranger, but as one who has returned after a long absence.
The sun begins to set and the cold walks back in. It is time to go. I feel the Balad release its grip. We cross the street and join the throng waiting for a taxi. We ignore the cold and stand in silence, our eyes filled with images.
We leave, ascending the hill as if being awakened from a dream. Normal life awaits us at the top of the hill and already I miss life in the Balad.

my day

So, I slept in (this is my last day of a "real weekend" because I had to change my tutoring schedule. I will now have 3 days off a week, but all those days I will have to do homework. I was having too much homework to accomplish in one day and that resulted in me only doing homework - and playing a bit at night. I thought that if I had a full day to study between sessions then I would be able to "live" more here in Amman. But this resulted in me sacrificing my much beloved "two day weekend" that I have had for a mere 2 weeks. I will see if the new schedule makes up for the sacrifice.....if not, I will be coming back to the weekend!)
Ok, so I slept in and then made pancakes for breakfast - it is amazing how much I like to eat breakfast when I have time to enjoy it! I then sat, checked email and such and got ready. When Roomie came home, we took off to run errands. First, visa renewal at the Police Station. Then, she had to drop something off at the guest house. We then walked over to the Iraqi place and had lunch. (It made me miss my mom because we went there together) Then, after a great chicken shwarma, we went down to the Ballad and walked around. We visited the movie shops, the pashmina shops, the dress shops and anything else we wanted to see. After the nice afternoon, we returned to a warm house and a "night of leisure" - i.e. watch the movies that we bought and blog :)
It was a fun day- one that we enjoyed the city where we live. It made me remember how much I love living overseas. It is great to be able to experience "life" in a different place, with a different language, with different people.

been doing some thinking

Do you ever look back in the "short past" (that is 6 months to a year ago) and compare yourself to what you are now? Not your circumstances, not your friends, but you.
I have been looking into the short past lately and I am really amazed at how much I have changed over the last year. I remember being in Dallas, the concerns I had about trusting God and moving to Amman, the way I hedged and planned every contingency so that I wouldn't have to look like I was "failing". And I see myself now, studying Arabic, not knowing what the future holds, but really holding on and enjoying the ride.
I see the way I was so concerned with being right and how grace has come in an overshadowed most of that.
I see how I was eager to serve, and now, not so much. I have to confess that serving sounds better than it actually is. It is exhausting and takes all of your time. I am trying to place myself in situations where I can serve better.....
But, I have been looking back and it is rather exciting. I wonder what is churning inside of me now that I will look back and marvel at in the future!

life

today has been consumed with details like water, heat and vocabulary. the morning was running around trying to call people to get them to bring us water (giving directions in Arabic and trying to explain that I have 2 bottles that are empty and I want them to bring me two bottles that are full. But where? The directions again. Now what do you want? 2 bottles of water. You will have to buy the bottles. No, I have 2 bottles already. Where do you live? - did I say this was all in Arabic??? And then, after that, was finally explained- a man called back 20 minutes later who spoke english and we had the same conversation again!) And then the heat. We ran out of gas last night, so our space heaters won't work. This means that it is COLD in our house. But we have radiators, so I was trying to figure out how to turn them on. Then, someone came to pick up my room mate and take her to a meeting. I asked her- and then, the whole world got involved. She called like 3 people and then had 2 other people come over....and all we had to do was turn a knob!!!!! Did I mention that all of this was happening when I was supposed to be doing 2 hours of homework and memorize like 30 new vocab words???????
So, then I went to tutoring- and today is a bad arabic day and I couldn't remember anything. I kept getting things wrong- and then, because I couldn't talk, my teacher decided I should read. Have I told you how much I hate reading Arabic???? i am so slow, I feel like a 2 year old and it is VERY frustrating!
So, after all of that, I walked a bit- got too cold and got in a taxi and went to the mall (I needed to exchange some money and there is a bank there that is open all the time). I walked around the warm mall for a while and then came home to the cold house. I called another gas guy to see if he would bring us some bottles, but it is too far for him- but at least we have the radiators (that cost a king's ransom to run!)
Now- after all of that- my "weekend" starts. 2 whole days with no lessons!!!!! I can't wait! I don't have to do any homework tomorrow!!!! Of course, thursday will be a full day of it- but tomorrow I can just sit and watch movies!
Ok- so that is the boring mundane life I am living....water, gas and homework :)
Tonight we are going back to Jafra- that coolest restaurant in town. So that should be fun!

jafra

Sorry for the disjointed blog you are about to read
there is this little hole in the wall restaurant (literally, it is in this hole in the wall- there is this alley that dead ends into stairs. You go up the stairs and this restaurant appears!) The name of this place is Jafra. I just found it a few months ago, and on my first adventure up the stairs I knew that it would be one of my favorite places to hang out in Amman. Tonight I was able to take my new room mate (who is a lot of fun, by the way) and some of the people she has met here to Jafra. It was fun to see them take the place in, to see the people around them (all drinking tea, smoking shisha and laughing together). The food was great (as always) and it was a fun night.
It reminded me of how much I love living in the MIddle East- I love this culture of family and really valuing time together. I miss it so much when I am not around it. But, sometimes it is hard to be in the midst of it- like at my 2 hour arabic lesson today where I cringed while pecking out letters to make words- worse than a kindergartner.
Tonight, we had supper with a guy who is on an "around the world trip" by land (that is, he is driving, training or such as much as possible) and it was great to hear his stories about traveling for the last 4 months (over 30 countries in 4 months). As I sat and listened I wanted so much to ask if he wanted a travel partner :) And I thought about my desire to live among the poor and how a year long vacation would be so extravagant. And then I thought about how I love to adventurate, and how I want to see the world.....
I hate it when you know that your dreams will require you to give up something that you love, something that is so cool (like a round the world trip) - I wish the new earth would come so we could travel as much as we want!

pictures

ok they are uploading as we speak- most may already be there but my internet connection is slow, so maybe not. Click on 2007 albums to see the Pyramids, Petra and the most of my Egypt trip- all the others are under 2008
hope this helps you find them!

back from Egypt

I had a blast in Egypt - it was fun to hang out with Joe, and even more fun to see the Pyramids!!!!! I felt like a spring chicken seeing things that Abraham and Moses saw :) It was amazing!
I am glad and sad to be back in Amman. After Cairo, Amman is tame and normal. But, I am glad to be back to "my" house, "my" city and my friends. It will be hard to say bye to Joe tonight- it has been years since we have spent this much time together and it has been a good trip full of adventure :)
I will write more later about life here now, the new language learning efforts I am undertaking and more on my trip- but until then, check out the 600 plus photos that are now uploading to my picture site (follow the link on the left!)