need love?

I just finished listening to the first half of one of my favorite podcasts- This American Life. If you haven't subscribed to this - go and do it now!! It is free if you can snag them the week they are aired- otherwise, you have to buy them. I purchased this one subtitled "unconditional love" because I thought it would be fun. MAN!!! I haven't been able to finish it because it was so moving. Maybe that is because I am stressed, maybe because loneliness seems to be knocking at my door every other day, maybe it is because my future is uncertain and there is a lot of pressure (from me) to figure it out and get a "plan" - anyway....I cried through the ending of the first act.
It was about a boy who was raised in a Romanian orphanage until age 7. He never was held, cuddled, hugged, played with or encouraged. He shared a crib with another child until the day he left at age 7. The American family who adopted him had to deal with all the effects of this upbringing- effects that one day resulted in the child holding a knife to the adopted mother's neck. But through all of this, they kept loving him.
At the end, after years of therapy and trials, they are a "loving family." the child gives a speech in which with trembling voice he thanks hid parents for their love.
This is moving enough- especially when I think of me being adopted into the family of God and God choosing to deal with the effects of my sin, of my being a daughter of Adam. Instead of "having children of His own" (that is, instead f creating new people without sin) He takes great pleasure in pouring out His love on me. (I john 3:1)
But even more than this was the conclusion of the act. It is at this point that it becomes clear that the only reason the Mom was able to love her adopted son was because she was not looking for her own needs to be met. She wasn't out to become the "best mom" nor did she have the need to be loved by a child or to hug and care for someone else. No, she was confident that she had love to give- she wasn't looking for her son to fill her needs.
It was this that was crushing. Because I realized that only if I have truly been loved- truly understand that I am loved- it is only then that I can give true love.
If I love to have my needs met, to not be lonely, to have strong connections, to have someone who cares for me, to have my needs met- then I am not loving- really, I am just getting what I pay for It is only when I can love even when none of those happen, it is only when I can love in spite of the "benefits" it brings me...that is love.
Isn't that what God has done for us? He has given us love even though we turn our backs on Him? even though we sin, worship everything but Him, hurt other people, damage His name - not once, but again and again and again?
But He loves us.....
And it is only when I really get that,; it is only when I really understand He loves me- and how deep, long, high and wide is His love????- it is only when I know that I am not earning His love, earning others acceptance, earning my existence- it is then, that I might be able to offer someone love...unconditional love- the kind of love that can change your life just hearing about it.
If I haven't sold you on the podcast yet- you are incredibly stupid....go listen to it and bask in the love of the Father for His children.