alone

I feel so alone when there is no one who agrees with my ideas. I think that is one of the reasons that I fall into people worship so easily. I want people to agree with me, so I cave in conversations and don't hold to the truth so that they will think, wow! Katy is smart! Or, if I know they won't agree- I make sure that I stand firm in the direct opposition so that they have to think that I am brave and smart as I offer my defense.
But, the more I learn of grace, the more I have to say that thes are examples of a people worshipping heart, and nothing less.
I have also been thinking a lot about how I am not redeemed by what I do. Although, I love this idea at times. I hate it when it means that I have to love others just as much when they are walking in "sin" as when they are not. This is really difficult. I have a freind that I see doing things that I disagree with, saying and beleiving things that I think are wrong. I have told her and told her - and now I sit back and love her? I act as if she is not redeemed by the way she lives?
How does sin factor into this? I don't know - after all, sin is what we are- not what we do. I sin everyday- so should I judge her sin becuase I see it as such?
so where does my idea that you have to live for the kingdom, make sacrifices to be a disciple - where does all of that fit in?
And how- how oh how- can I share, really share with people who don't get it!
I just want one person to get it! I want one person to say - yep! That's it...and here's another thing!
I know I am asking for a lot....a person who I won't worship but will help me see things more clearly - or maybe I am just freakign out because I am leaving Dallas and I am going off alone....
fear is scary stuff!