wacked thinking

I have been thinking lately - a lot. I always think a lot so this is nothing new. But I have been thinking about some ideas that were presented to me this week. At common grace ( a mentoring program- for lack of a better word), we were talking about what it means to be a product of the curse. We talked about how our mind, will and emotions now seem to be broken - unable to function as they were created to function. As we started talking about this, we talked about the created function of the mind, will and emotions. We decided that the mind's job is to perceive truth. But because of the fall, we are now unable to do this. So, instead of being able to perceive the truth that we are loved, children of God, we see ourselves still as people who have to somehow earn their salvation and this ends up being a "lifeboat."
I have been mulling this over and I am beginnning to see it as true in my life. I see things crazy. A fun evening with friends becomes a competition to see who is most likely to be "picked" by a guy, a classroom (a place of learning) becomes a place of showing how I know everything, my belongings become my idenity, and I could go on and on. It is as if the very reality I see is a mirage - one made up for me to compete for my salvation. A reality where God is primarily against me and I have to win His favor. A reality where I am constantly working to stay in the life boat.
This is so far from true that it is scary that I can believe it. It is as if I am schitzo or something. I know that God is good, that He loves me first - and that is the only reason that I can love Him. I know that I am His child and that I have His favor......but I act as if none of this is true. So, maybe I am cursed. And maybe I do need the Spirit to show me how to think - to show me reality - and give me the courage to live there.