easy to say

That is easy to say- no other plan. I mean, in some settings it might even sound pathetic. It might mean that you can't get your life together enough to make a plan, or that no one wants to hang out with you so you don't have plans, or it may mean that you are so eager to spend time with that one person, that you have no other plans with anyone else.
I am learning that I have lots of other plans. I think that I can live my life and somehow save myself. Somehow earn grace, somehow make myself righteous. I am seeing that I try all different things throughout the day to make this lie a reality. I try to make people my idols and worship them for acceptance. I make food my shelter, running to my belly for security - as if I was full then my life would be full as well. I run away to movies, ideas and books - acting as if someone else's reality will somehow make it easier for me to live mine.
I am realizing that lots of "cracked thinking" goes into all of these lifeboats, but they are all a result of me being cracked - to my very core. I know that I need to worship, I need to be loved, I need to be accepted. But something in my cursed soul refuses to believe that I need to worship God, that He loves me fully and that I have been accepted as His child.
So, I think that I am now on a life long quest to have no other plan. To put all my eggs in this basket called the Gospel. To have faith in the One who made heaven and earth and strip away all else. To know God as good and faithful. To trust Him fully.
I want no other plan.