decisions

i think I probably think of decisions as the greatest of evils in my life....that is I would rather be diagnosed with some evil disease and have to "deal" or be jumped in the parking lot and have all my possessions stolen - because all of these are sufferings that are brought on "by someone else" and I don't have to think "you signed up for this!" I think that is probably because I have made decisions - like coming to seminary- that have proven to be both helpful and hard. I never thought that I would be stretched in relationships, money, ideas, time, and body the way that I have being at school. Nor did I think that I would leave such a different person than when I arrived. This experience has been good- but it also has been hard. There have been times I wanted to quit (and the only thing that prevented it is that I had no where else to go that made sense) and there have been times where I have railed against it with my entire being. I have complained about homework more hours than I have done it- I have bashed professors and class more than I have learned from them and I have dissed the institution more than I have acknowledged its huge influence in my life.
I think because I am seeing how this time has been both good and bad- I am railing against the next decision. What am I going to "sign up" for next? What kind of crap will I have to endure as a part of my "choice?"
I guess that is why we are "called" - so that all the crap that comes our way can be blamed on God :)
yeah- I think it is official....I HATE DECISIONS!!!!