hope

there is a lot being said about hope and change these days- as tears welled up in my eyes listening to the new African- American president talk of all that our country has been through, of all the people that have been overlooked that now feel like they are in the picture again, of all that this new presidential term brings - I was reminded of the power of hope. Not just hope in an idea, or a really strong wish that things get better- but hope in things not seen.
I came home from our all night election party (yes, we didn't sleep- sat and watched as state after state came in and then finally at 7 am Obama declared victory) I came in and searched for a book to read something about hope- something that could channel all the feelings I had towards my real redemption- and I came across this quote from Moltmann
"The resurrection hope makes people ready to live their lives in love wholly, and to say a full and entire Yes to a life that leads to death. It does not withdraw the human soul from the bodily, sensory life; it ensouls this life with unending joy. In expectation of the resurrection of the dead, the person who hopes casts away the soul's protective cloak in which the wounded heart has wrapped itself."
May I live outside of that protective cloak living in this world wrapped in the hope of His return (and trusting nothing else for my redemption!)

new friends

I sat in the room at the only table. The open window at my back allowed the cold autumn breeze into the cramped space. Before me was the queen size bed used by the married couple and then the twin bed that "ammo" uses, the 82 year old dad. There is a wardrobe piled high with black trash bags pulled tight over the few treasures they have left. To my right is the refrigerator and then the television. This is their house- all of it. The bathroom is outside and the kitchen is "housed" in the area between the doors- all outside. It is small, cramped and barely functional. But this doesn't stop them from opening their house to me, feeding me, helping me with Arabic and helping me understand their story.
They are from Iraq- Samantha (Sam) and Winston (their real names have been changed to protect the innocent!) They have been living here in Amman for 7 years. They came before the war started and although it has been hard to be jobless and live in such a cramped space, they are thrilled that they don't have memories of war to also deal with. Winston was working in Kuwait and after the first Gulf War things got difficult for him there. So, he wanted to go back to Iraq but things were really hard with the sanctions and the quality of life was not good. He had heard that a war with America was coming and didn't want his dad and wife to have to live through it. They made their way to Amman, piled into a cramped space and have been getting by on teaching English for 3 dollars and hour, random work at the Red Crescent (He has a psychology degree and helps with counseling there) and other jobs to get food on the table. (Iraqis are not allowed to work in Jordan) It is a far cry from life in "pre-first-gulf-war- Iraq" or the life he led in Kuwait- but it is all they have for now.
I sat there with them today, feeling so incredibly comfortable and loved. We talked of things here in Amman, their work at the Red Crescent and things then moved to the situation in Iraq. I was telling them of my desire to share the stories of people here in the Middle East so that we (Americans, Jordanians, Iraqis, Lebanese, etc) can learn to love and forgive. They then started telling me of friends that have had their husbands, wives, and/or children killed in the war. They told me story after story of people here in Amman who have lived through various terrors of war. They told me the statistics that are on the news "10,000 widows, 5 million refugees, 1 million killed and 5 million orphans" I stop and ask them again - 5 million orphans?
Yes, 5 million.
But where do they live now? In Iraq?
Yes, some are getting paid by the Militias, others have become criminals, and others scour the trash for something to eat.

I pause- and look around the room. This is a heavy conversation. Emotions are high- the toll of war has been tasted by these people, they have escaped experiencing it but know so many that haven't been so lucky.
I look at Ammo. He is crying. Tears roll down his face as he remembers the Iraq that once was and thinks of the Iraq that is now.
I begin to cry - these precious people. Without a home, without a country, family still stuck in Iraq with no hope of escape- and so many more like them.
I sat there thinking about Gee- his new life in England, his experiences of war and how his leaving the Middle East will change his family forever.
I sat there thinking how messed up this world is...and how I want Jesus to come back-
and that I am happy that He has given me this opportunity to share in the lives of this precious family until He does!

good bye

I hate goodbyes - they are like ripping out a piece of your heart and then trying to wrap it all nice and neat so that someone can carry it to their new home. I feel like this year has been a year of goodbyes- Dutch Boy, Freek Boy, FTP, and now Gee- it is great that I now have friends all over America and in the Middle east and soon, England- but it is really no fun to have to say goodbye.
All day today I have had the line in the song "after the last goodbye" with the idea that there will be a day when I won't have to say goodbye any more. On that day we will live as one family around the Throne of God- and there will be no more goodbyes or separation of any kind! May this be my last Goodbye- come Lord Jesus!

been a long time

it has been a long time since I have been blogging- I have so much to say- Syria, Lebanon, talking to people about my new idea and how it will work in Beirut, more ideas to think about, working with Mom and others at Dental Clinics last week, tutoring, Gee getting re-settled to england next week, spending time with him, helping him get ready to go, meeting a new Iraqi family today and having the sweetest time as they gave to me out of their little and served me as if I was a queen!!
It has been a great day- I have so much more to say- but I thought I would at least say something and write more stories later! I am still trying to clean out my email inbox from not being on the internet for 3 weeks- when that is done, the blogging will commence :)

eid

so it is eid here- that means that Ramadan is over!!!!! Praise God - and that there are 3-5 days of holiday where the people here celebrate making it through the 30 days of fasting and eat and have parties!
Mom is coming tonight and we are planning a trip around a bit to see things, friends and some of the sites :) It should be fun!
I am very excited- have been planning and thinking about this week since last year- so I can't wait to get it going....but now I have to wait until Mom gets here, wait to get at borders and all of that- but waiting builds excitement :)

servanthood

I am reading this book on servanthood and I have run across several great ideas and fantastic quotes- the one from today is "Serving people means helping people look more like Christ not like us" (Duane Elmer)
I just sat back for a few minutes to think about all that means. I think that I tend to think of things that I do in my Christianity as "good" and that other people should eventually think like me :) but realizing that serving people does not mean making them clones of me has drastic consequences. It might mean that the people I pour my life into don't think like me, don't like the things I do and don't even believe exactly like I do. (i would hope that they would eventually come to believe in the core doctrine of my faith, but the way they live that out might be very different from me)
I am beginning to realize that serving means truly thinking of others as more important than yourself - even if their ideas are weird and hard and wrong to me. It means valuing them and not trying to change them- but serve them and learn from them and honor them....just like they are.
boy do I have a long way to go!

sick

it seems that fall in Amman means that I will get sick- it happened last fall and then the last few days I have been sick. I had some sort of stomach bug- probably because I ate unwashed strawberries (I rinsed them off but was in a hurry and didn't use any soap or anything) but I am feeling better now and hope to have dinner out with friends tonight to celebrate my recovery!